Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Divorce - broken family

I actually quite enjoyed Family Law during my 2nd Year in law school, (ahem ahem...) if any of my coursemates are reading this, you know what i mean *winks*

Since i finished my official internship program, i'm now working in another law firm. 4 partners here practice different areas of law,i have chance to see Family cases, Litigation, Intellectual Property & Conveyancing. Cause i did not pass Family Law with flying colours, so i was kinda scared to touch the Family's files though i think its actually an interesting subject. 
One fine day, one of the partners asked me to do research on Family Law as i was the only one who took Family in the firm. 

Owwhh okay,divorce as usual. Kids, matrimonial assets and matrimonial home. Maintenance and Custody. One of the reasons i chose to study law because i do not like people take advantage from me, ME as a girl and woman! When i know someone takes advantage from his wife, it gets me angry and the 'sense of justice' overwhelms me. 'No way that asshole gonna get what he wants'. 

In most of the cases, wives get what they want. To decide the amount of the maintenance, the court will look at the standard of life before the breakdown.  Besides, the husband's income plays a crucial role in determining the amount of the maintenance for kids and wife. There are other factors that influence the decision as well. Basically it will be decided based on the facts of every cases.

The cause of action in most of the divorce petitions is another party committed adultery. Mostly, the husbands. Sometimes, i know its hard to be together with a person,lets say, 20 years or more! but please, have you ever considered or thought about the consequences. Some guy just can't resist the temptation,but... WHO CAN?! tell me! So you think your spouse can resist the temptation? ask him or her yourself! i believe she/he has plenty of chances to cheat on you! but why? why they choose not to do so? what are the reasons?

As you are in a tight corner, divorce may look like a solution. "After all", you might say this, " life is full of second chances. Perhaps i simply married the wrong person and Mr. or Mrs Right still out there somewhere." Most would agree that when a spouse is unfaithful or abusive, divorce is a real option. But this kind of relationship is about taking..not giving, disrespect and mental/physical abuse. In fact, its not a marriage at all. 

You may think you were too young when you married, or that you never really loved your spouse. You just convinced yourself it would be better than being alone. Or maybe you are just too tired of the arguing, tired of the lack of communication, tired of the coldness in your relationship. Perhaps you simply just wanna get out from the relationship. 

Come on and think about it now, its time that you stick up for your primary decision to marry your husband or your wife and really look back on those great time, those perfect moments that truly made you marry that person. 

As i remembered, my friend approached me and sought my consultation on family matter. Her parents had been separated for more than 6 years, husband brought his girlfriend after wife found out the emails that husband sent to his girlfriend,3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy. Imagine, if you were the kid, how would you feel? By saying that here, i can feel the pain of the mother. How devastated she was when she saw the girlfriend so as well the kids. So. staying together 'for the sake of the kids' will actually cause more harm than good. Children need loving parents, a home to return to, friends, activities and routine. Factors such as these, together, represent a child's sense of security. Divorce breaches this emotional security, as the child will digress the rebellion , escapism, guilt, violence, withdrawal, depression, stress, denial and so on.

One time, my friend said this, "who is not from a broken family?", everybody just went silence. And some of my friends actually concurred with my friend. I was like "VOT?! i beg your pardon? THAT'S BAD!!"  But hey, looking at the society we're living now, divorce is getting common. I actually feel that marriage just a 'licence' to have baby, after all, marriage just a piece of paper. I told my mum the same thing! i can't i believe i did it! my mum asked me calmly, " what about relationship? you won't marry a guy that you don't have any feeling, yes?" "yes mum yes! i know somebody who did it, just because of the money and social status!teeheeee..." Money and Social Status can get it easily, whatever ways you use. But reputation of real value takes a long time to grow- like a tree. And it can be ruined just a second. 

Nevertheless, my friends from broken family all agree that, divorce really a damage to the family.  How could a divorce bring positive effect to a child? Children of divorced parents have to confront a new way of living. Depending on whether the divorce was amicable or not, they might have witnessed some nasty conflict between their parents in the lead-up to divorce. Custody disputes can also harm children as they often feel pulled in two different directions, this can be seen in the recent case Bi-Anne where the London Based restaurant manager Miss Tan Siew Siew wanted her daughter be with her but the daughter insisted that she wanted to live with her father.
Divorce can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents. It might affect relationship between parents and children, emotions and behaviour, psychologically and physically. Think twice before you take your step. Try to put yourself into other's shoes before your reach your final decision.  

A happy marriage is not a marriage between 2 perfect people who just happened to meet each other and get married. There is no such thing as 'perfect' people! A happy marriage is a marriage between 2 imperfect people who love each other with unselfish, committed love. Agape love is not blind-it sees the faults of the other person, but it covers them with love.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

How i Spent my birthday week =)

I got chosen as one of the finalists for Miss Pahang Tourism Malaysia 2011. I didn't expect this could actually happen. The day before the audition, as i recall, i asked my friend, whether i should go for the audition tomorrow, my friend told me, just go for it, why do you hesitate? i was like " hmmmm...hmmmm...", i went back home kinda late that night, and did not expect i could wake up early in the morning, cause the audition started at 9am and finished 1pm. 

The next morning, surprisingly, without alarm or snoring from my roomies, i woke up at 9++ A.M, i was laying in bed, questioning myself, should i go? hhmm..just for fun, must do something before i get older. I called my sister, as i supposed to visit my sister and my parents that morning, my sister shouted at another side of the phone and said :" what are you waiting for, just go!" LOL...ok, cleaned myself up, put on light make up, then i off to audition.

They required plain white shirt and jeans, as i reached the place, i saw several girls were waiting and one of them was being interviewed.  The audition was an open public audition so that's a possibility that i might embarrass myself in front of all girls and the judges or, perhaps interviewors. After 15 mins, lots of questions came to me. " what do you do" blah blah blah... they asked about my talent. "hmmm..singing perhaps?" " owh, awesome! sing me a chorus then!"  ( are you guys serious ah...) ok, " la la la....~ ~ ~"  

* a round of applause* 

"wow, very good very good! indeed, you have a good and powerful voice! we'll contact you if you're selected, the result probably out by tonight or tomorrow morning" ( good and powerful voice? are you kidding me?LOL...)

The next morning, i received a text from them saying that i got selected and so on. I was actually not that excited and had a mixed feeling as they needed me to be away 1 week to Kuantan Pahang,especially one of those days was my birthday =(  i looked at the tentative, gosh, on my birthday, "shooting, lunch, dancing class, dinner, dancing class". 

*eyes rolling* GRREEAAATTTT!!

well, since i got selected, i should have felt happy.. i actually came to this point :" Urgh, whatever, i might be alone on my birthday so why not i celebrate my birthday with those pretties!!" LOL the night before departure , i even went to Changkat for drinks, i believed my friends and i had a good time there perhaps? because of the free drinkkksssss we got! HAHAHA...

Anyway, 1 week passed, everything just happened so fast, Doesn't time fly? Time simply flew. But i was exhausted, with limited sleep, those shootings and dancing and blah blah blah drained me dry faster than i could imagine. Also, i was rushing for my internship report(S). I carried the net book wherever i go, in the bus, studio, restaurant.... everybody kept asking me like " hey, i know you're rajin la, don't give us pressure! " @@  how i wish i could jump into my bed and not worried about my report the next day! 

Besides, 12 of us staying in a Semi-D bungalow, 3 bathrooms, IMAGINE! how long i needed to wait for my turn! Well, after all, we were all happy and i actually feel grateful that i got to know all these girls, they're just so nice and friendly. We laughed together, we had good gossip, we sweat together... I feel like, we're like family already. Even after pageant, we're still meeting each other. What more can i ask for?

Our Guru
It was quite memorable when i first stepped in the dance studio, my choreographer, Jeannie was practicing!She shook like a rock star, her dance moves really shocked me! Imagine, a mother of 2, the eldest already 24-year-old this year, almost my mother age, i can't even shake like her! 
* ashamed
she's so energetic and chummy! Skinny also.. *sulking*

My catwalk coach, Weena Marcus, only 22 this year, the 2009 Miss Malaysia Tourism! I think her name is cool, Weena Marcus, sounds so brithish and she's half Chinese and Half...Kadazan ( if i'm not wrong :p)

Although i did not manage to get any title any this pageant, but i have learned a lot, more than i expected, a very good exposure indeed. At least, i have done something that i have always wanted to do,  to prove myself. =))

Nitez, folks! Xoxo with love <3

Alane Neo